Odds and Sods

Pure Gallic arrogance.

Arsenal Reserves drew Liverpool Reserves 1-1 in a Saturday thriller.  Rafa went with Jermaine Pennant and frisky Peter Crouch.  Arsene started two English lads.  Liverpool should have put the match away earlier.  Crouch had a brilliant effort saved.  Riise missed a sitter with his footballingly handicapped foot.  Benayoun missed another.  Even with United’s draw, the match killed Arsenal’s minute title hopes.  See you at Anfield for round three.

Middlesbrough retained the title of big club bully by holding Man United 2-2 at the Riverside.  Sir Alex sent out a stronger side than at midweek.  They got outplayed.  Alfonso Alves at last lived up to his transfer fee, scoring two.  Had they a competent partner rather than Aliadiere they would have had at least two or three more goals.  Ferdinand looked flummoxed without Vidic at his side.

Aston Villa blew out Bolton 4-0.  England cuspers Gareth Barry and Gabby Agbonlahor served up three with a cherry from Marlon Harewood.  Bolton’s defending was dreadful.  Davies and Diouf did not communicate.  The Wanderers look doomed.

Sunderland beat Fulham 3-1, in a relegation six-pointer.  The win puts Sunderland on 36 points, 10 points clear.  Fulham remain on twenty-four with fate fast approaching.  Brian McBride can count to infinity twice, but it won’t keep Fulham up.  All credit should go to Roy Keane for the wonders he’s done with the worst squad in the League besides Derby.

Derby 0 - Manchester United 1 This match epitomizes the season for both clubs.  Derby worked but weren’t quite good enough.  United’s only enemy was their own cuteness.  Ronaldo should have scored at least three, or more according to his own verbal tally.

Birmingham 1 - Newcastle 1 The result risked being critical, but little Mickey was there to muscle it back to mediocrity.  He may have saved Keegan’s last silver hair.  Not a win, but certainly a start.

Sunderland o - Chelsea 1 Leave it to the Dark Lord to plunge the Stadium of Light into darkness.  So it goes for Sunderland.  Keane should save some Just for Men for his beard.

Liverpool 2 - Reading 1 Matejovski’s strike was nice.  Mascherano’s was spectacular, with a few tasteful “Fuck Offs” tacked onto it.  Apparently, Dirk Kuyt played in that match.

Fulham FC sprang back to life on Sunday, with a startling 1-0 victory over European-bound Everton.

The win, Fulham’s fourth of the season, places gives them 23 pts – an effective four points away from safety.

However, Odds and Sods will now make a bold prediction.  Fulham will not be relegated.

The club has momentum.

Fulham finally has started to mesh in this latter part of the season, spurred by the return of Jimmy Bullard and Brian McBride.  They have also had an impressive run, earning four points from two grueling fixtures against top half opposition in Everton and Blackburn.

The club was unlucky at the onset, bafflingly blowing a few first-half leads, followed by a morbid holiday respite – lasting through Februrary.  Fulham are a decent side with extraordinarily bad luck.  They are due for some good football.

Fulham also have an easier schedule.

They do face a problem.  They have only three home matches remaining and have not won away all season.  However, two winnable relegation six-pointers come in the next two away matches at Newcastle (Mar. 22) and at Derby (Mar 29.).  They also have additional six-pointers with Sunderland and Birmingham at home and Reading away.  Should Fulham climb the table it will come at the direct expense of their fellow bottom dwellers.

The only top four side that Fulham play is Liverpool at home (Apr. 19) – who may be conserving players for a Champions League run.

If Fulham finagles four points, from the next two matches.  That leaves them with 27 pts with six matches remaining.  If they again get four from Sunderland and Birmingham at home, that is 31 pts.  It’s not unreasonable they get four pts from the other four matches amassing the total 35 pts.  That may be enough to keep them up, particularly with some help.

That estimate also assumes merely a reasonable level of competence, not an impressive run.

Bolton have a much tougher road.  They still must travel to Man Utd., Chelsea, Aston Villa and Tottenham.  They also host Arsenal and Man City.  They have only one relegation six-pointer at home to Sunderland (May 3.).  Relegation seems a certainty at this point.

Birmingham have a slightly less arduous schedule, but still must host Liverpool, Man City, Blackburn and Everton.

Sunderland still have to host Man City and Arsenal and travel to Aston Villa.

Any fixture poses a problem for the soccer circus at this point.  But Newcastle face away matches with Tottenham, West Ham, Portsmouth and Everton.  They also host Chelsea in the penultimate match.

It’s not impossible that one or two teams from this group take a tumble, opening a door for Fulham.

They do have the fewest points, but they have the edge in talent and the easiest schedule.  If Fulham can denounce their doldrums and play at close to their potential, there is no reason they can’t avoid the drop.

After this weekend a Google search for “Sven” and “Up the Arse” won’t lead you astray as Arsenal defeated Manchester City 3-1 away from home to move to the top of the table.  Adebayor dropped a deuce, scoring in his eighth straight match.  Eduardo also controlled a ball magnificently with his chest to set up an overhead bicycle kick for a goal.  If he ever comes back from injury, Robin Van Persie may struggle to get back into the side.

Arsenal should have scored more, the scoreline hardly flattering their control of the match.  The only blight was Clichy’s mistake that led to the City goal, but it is easy to forgive the Frenchman who has been fabulous all season.

Man City have managed just two points from their last four Premier League matches.  Barry Glendenning winning his bottom half bet still looks unlikely, but a fall from the European places is well within the realm of possibility.

Arsenal took the lead at the top thanks to Manchester United’s 1-1 draw with Tottenham.  It was a gutsy performance by Spurs, fueled by superb signings Jonathan Woodgate and Alan Hutton.  Dimitar Berbatov finally decided to show up against a Top Four club, with an efficient finish.  They played well enough to deserve a win, but were once again foiled by poor set piece marking, leaving Tevez unmarked in front of goal in stoppage time.

Once again, Manchester United struggled on an away trip to London.  Hargreaves was taken off in favor of Michael Carrick.  Hargreaves plays with a lot of enthusiasm, but his penchant for going forward left them caught out on Tottenham’s goal.  One wonders if the more conservative Carrick might be the better choice to pair with Scholes.

The Gunners also picked up two points on third place Chelsea who drew 1-1 with Portsmouth.  Last minute signing Jermaine Defoe capped his Pompey debut with a goal, with an assist from Belletti’s poor positioning.  However, he missed two chances that could have given them the win.

The impetus behind Chelsea’s Day-Glo away kits was finally explained, with the ref missing two blatant handballs due to the glare.  With Fat Frank and Capt. John in dry dock and the African Nations Cup losses, their squad is thinner than Lindsey Lohan after a coke binge.  You know that it is dire when you rely upon Pizarro as your late impact sub.  Will someone please slip Avram a couple caffeine pills?

Moving on to squads out of the title race, Liverpool strode their way back into the European places with their 3-0 defeat of Sunderland.  Crouchie wasn’t having his nachos, as Rafa finally gave him a run out.  Not surprisingly, he scored a goal, nearly had another with a bicycle kick and set up Torres in space with a fabulous flick with the back of his head.  Whether it is a handball, a judo-tackle or a swift kick in the shins, the rules do not apply to Jamie Carragher.  The Pool are now in 5th place, one point behind Everton with a game in hand.

Kevin Keegan’s soccer circus has brought exciting football to St. James, though unfortunately for Newcastle it has been by the other team.  He finally got his first result, however, as Newcastle drew 1-1 with Middlesbrough.  Little Mickey got his first league goal in 4 months, though it was from a set piece rather than exciting football.  Newcastle were lucky that the Boro couldn’t capitalize more on the counterattack, and they were saved a scare when the one adept strike of Aliadiere’s career was ruled offside.   Gareth Southgate stole his grandfather’s cardigan before the match.

Finally, Fulham beat Aston Villa 2-1 at Craven Cottage to get their first win in the League since Nov. 3.  The recently returning Jimmy Bullard was man of the match, creating one goal and scoring another.  Hodgson will be happy if he doesn’t attempt anymore somersaults, however.  They also should get a boost from getting Brian McBride back in the side.  They’ve been extraordinarily unfortunate this season, and sit at 19th in the table, though only 3 pts from safety.