Odds and Sods

Greg Maddux won his 350th game in tonight’s 3-2 win over the Colorado Rockies.  Maddux became the ninth pitcher all-time to do so (third in the modern era).

Maddux, 42, may be the greatest pitcher of the modern era without a mysterious abscess on his buttocks.  With no revealed skeletons other than a farting fetish and a penchant for urinating on rookies, Maddux has compiled four NL Cy Young awards, seventeen Gold Gloves and a World Series ring.

For those who enjoy statistics, he has a miniscule career WHIP of 1.14 and finished four seasons with WHIPs under 1.00.  He won at least fifteen games in seventeen consecutive seasons (1988-2004).  He has made at least thirty starts in every non strike shortened season since he became a starter.

Maddux needs four more wins to pass Roger Clemens (354) and fourteen more wins to eclipse Warren Spahn’s modern mark of 363 wins.

The Top Five

1. Boston Red Sox (21-13): The Red Sox pitching has carried them in spite of their patchy production with the bats. The Sox have allowed three runs or fewer in eight of the last nine.

2. Arizona Diamondbacks (21-10): Arizona still has room to grow offensively. Young, Stephen Drew and Reynolds are putting up high on base percentages for their batting averages. If those guys push into the .270 range rather than the .240 range, they will be really lethal.

3. Los Angeles Angels (21-13): A soft schedule should help Anderson, Matthews and Guerrero get back on track. The rotation could falter if Saunders and Santana slide even slightly.

4. St. Louis Cardinals (20-12): They have played 2/3 games at home so far this season which may account for their unexpected run of form.

5. Oakland Athletics (19-14): They still need Rich Harden healthy to do some damage and win the division.

The Bottom Five

26. San Diego Padres (12-20): The pitching has been decent. The offense has been anemic, with Adrian Gonzalez the notable exception. As much as it pains my OPS soul, they may need to run in that ballpark to shake things up, only six steals in 32 games.

27. Texas Rangers (13-19): They have the same pitching weakness every year, and this time they lack the lineup to mask it.

28. Cincinnati Reds (13-20): They should start shedding excess baggage soon.

29. Colorado Rockies (12-19): Manny Corpas already has four blown saves. Four of the starters have above a 5.25 ERA.

30. Pittsburgh Pirates (12-19) Stink! Stank! Stunk!

Jake Peavy pitched brilliantly in his first two starts this season, allowing just one run and five hits in sixteen innings.  Judging by the brown stains on his right hand, he may have had some Kenny Rogers-style assistance.  Either that, or he didn’t wash his hands.

Surely, Bud Selig will send his crack team of investigators to look into this one.

This has been the hardest division to pick so far, as any team except San Francisco can either win or finish fourth.

1. Los Angeles Dodgers

The Dodgers have great lineup potential, particularly with Nomar out of the picture.  They have four developing young hitters who could explode this season with Martin, Loney, Ethier, and Kemp.  They have two craggy contributing veterans with Kemp and Andruw Jones (who is somehow listed as 30 and only 210lb).  This should, theoretically, account for the wasteful speed guys, Pierre and Furcal, who can’t get on base.

Their rotation should be competent as well.  Penny had a Cy Young caliber year.  Lowe and Billingsley had decent years.  If Loaiza can stay healthy, he should be an acceptable fifth starter.

LA’s pen will provide the edge.  Saito was sick last season, in the good way.  He had 78K in 64.1 innings and a stingy 0.72 WHIP.  Broxton has a beastly arm in the set-up role.  If Torre doesn’t work them to death by May, they should be quite good.  Scott Proctor is not a happy man.  The over-under on his arm detaching from his body on the mound should be June 21st.

2. Colorado Rockies

The Rockies won everyone’s praises before being discretely disposed of by the Red Sox in the World Series, but they rode a wave of luck to get there.

Their lineup that has Holliday, Hawpe, Helton and Tulowitzki looks to be hell for opposing pitchers.

The pitching is not quite playoff caliber though.  Francis has never lived up to his potential.  Jimenez has an incredible arm.  But, neither of them are imposing, and the three through five slots are decidedly mediocre.

The bullpen should be pretty good.  Corpas closed efficiently last season with a 1.06 WHIP.  Fuentes provides another excellent setup man.

The Rockies have a chance, as long as the Humidor is working.

3. Arizona Diamondbacks

Arizona’s lineup perpetually looms with potential, but has not displayed it as of yet.  Young stud Stephen Drew had a .683 OPS and super-prospect Justin Upton had only a .647 OPS.  Eric Young hit 32 homers, but he only managed a .295 OBP.

Brandon Webb may be the best starter in the National League.  They feel they acquired one of the best in the American League last season with Danny Haren, though he was only 5-6 with a 4.15 ERA after the all-star break as opposed to 10-3 with a 2.30 ERA before.  Owings and Davis give them an average four and five slots.  The difference, positively or negatively, will be Randy Johnson.

The bullpen trio of Pena, Qualls, and Cruz are solid, but Brandon Lyon has never consistently manned the closer’s job.  He isn’t a big strikeout guy, only 40K in 74IP last season.  That spot could be dicey.

The Diamondbacks won the division last season with a 90-72 record, but they were extraordinarily lucky, as their expected W-L record was 79-83.  If the young players do not markedly improve, that could be where they end up.

4. San Diego Padres

The Padres have the pitching to win the division, but their lineup will likely keep them from accomplishing it.  There is a marked drop in quality after Adrian Gonzalez.  They will need big years from Giles and Kouzmanoff to supplement his production.

They may have the best 1-2 punch in the division with Peavy and Chris Young.  But, Greg Maddux isn’t getting any younger and Randy Wolf is decidedly mediocre.  The Padres will need an exorcism to remove Mark Pryor’s Pox.

The bullpen should be decent.  Hoffman is old, but gets the job done.  Bell was stunning last season (0.96 WHIP) and former Red Sock Cla Meredith turned out well.

5. San Francisco Giants

They have the worst lineup in baseball.  They lost the last vestiges of power, through Pedro Feliz and Barry Bonds.  They signed Rowand to a dummy deal after a contract year.  They could potentially have neither a 20HR hitter or a 20 SB stealer.  Uninspiring and old, they are.

The other Barry, Zito, only performed one task consistently last season, not living up to his gynormous contract.  The rotation could be good if Zito returns to his above-average left-hander form and the Baseball America babes Matt Cain and Tim Lincecum start to produce.  But, it won’t matter when they don’t score any runs.

Ditto with the bullpen.

With an earth-shattering announcement today a glorious era came to an end, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays are no more. The Tampa Bay franchise will now be known simply as “The Rays.”

The club will also change it’s color scheme, replacing the dominant green and black with navy blue and light blue.

The announcement came in front of a celebrating crowd of 7,000, no word on the ratio of “Rays” employees and coerced homeless men.

“I think this gives us an organization an identity,” principal owner Stuart Sternberg said.

Two points.

First, this most certainly does give them an identity, as complete fools. How does this give the team an identity? The name doesn’t even make sense. The logo has both sun “rays” and the tail of a sting “ray.” They took a bad team name and made it simultaneously nebulous and meaningless.

Second, they stole the dark blue from the Padres. The freaking Padres! Why, of all the teams to blatantly rip off would you choose them? This is a team that wore shit brown as their primary color for much of their existence. This is a team that feels that it is completely acceptable to wear camo uniforms! Why of all teams would you choose the Padres as the paragon of fashion and taste?

If you want to change the identity of the franchise, build a team. The “models” that the Devil Rays brought out were their bench coach and two retired stars (who made their name elsewhere and chose Tampa as a destination for early retirement.) That should say something about how disgustingly putrid they have been.

There are many reasons the “Rays” franchise has struggled. Their potential market is mostly retirees with loyalties to their own teams, their stadium may be the worst in baseball, and their awful team has been consistently irrelevant in the toughest division in baseball to win.

The change of nickname and logo only glosses over these inherent and crucial problems that will plague that franchise for years to come. Like a sweaty man who douses himself in aftershave, the acrid stench of the Devil Rays will still linger.