Odds and Sods

1. We avoided Farvageddon. Brett Favre has more middle-aged white male admirers than Hayden Panettiere. The amount of hype that the old gunslinger overcoming age and circumstance to lead his team to one last shot at Superbowl glory would have trumped anything previously seen in the Super Bowl offweek. The talking heads at ESPN would have circle-jerked like a bunch of crazed frat boys during an epic limp biscuit session. Peter King would have had a spontaneous orgasm recalling his feverish Favre dinner table escapades. It would have been ridiculous. It would have been nauseating. He won’t go away, but at least he will be confined to retirement talk.

2. We also avoided the Vajapocalypse. Credit to “The Soup” where it is due. The Chargers are finally out of the playoffs. This team was certainly the most underachieving playoff team for the amount of talent on their roster. They skated into the playoffs, largely due to the deficiency of the other teams in their division. They get an easy first round draw, catch the Colts on an off day and suddenly they balloon with bumptious bluster. The hubris express stopped at Foxboro. We saved ourselves two weeks of Marmalard Rivers talking smack. We escaped two weeks of LaDanian Tomlinson talking big before coming up short, hiding his fearful eyes behind his tinted visor. We avoided two weeks of Sean Merriman whining about other teams hitting him and hawking “Lights Out” merchandise. We also won’t have random defensive linemen whom no one has heard of inexplicably talking smack to the media.

3. Tom Coughlin’s Face. The only thing funnier than a rosy-cheeked Irishman is a rosy-cheeked Irishman in zero degree weather whose entire face turns red, causing his cheeks to turn purple. The only thing funnier than that? A rosy cheeked Irishman with a ridiculous sunburn. Now picture an angry rosy cheeked Irishman with a ridiculous sun-burn.

4. Making Time for the Mannings. How this has not yet been made into a reality show I have no idea. Imagine this scene as the camera pans to the Manning booth during the game. Archie cheers on his son, subtly resenting that now two of his spawn got to the promised land while he never did. Peyton is silently fuming that he was beaten while his stupid kid brother stumbled ass backwards into the Super Bowl. Emascalted Manning, without any football talent, sits to the side silently cursing genetics and his father’s scorn. You know you love it.

5. Tiki Barber is going to feel like an ass. Tiki left the New York Giants to pursue off the field interests, namely to be allowed to pretend he has gainful employment as a well-spoken and plausibly white reporter for The Today Show while performing his actual duties as a football analyst. He made himself the center of attention. He called out teammates and coaches publicly. He could be a candidate for the “Ewing Theory,” except Ewing was a Hall of Famer. Shed of shouldering his abundant Ego, the Giants have had an improbably run of good fortune. There is nothing like seeing Tiki choke down that bitter taste of comeuppance.