Odds and Sods

•    8:06 – While Fox is going through something inane, the Red Sox made the correct decision to choose Ortiz over Youkilis.  You can’t leave your best bat out in the World Series.  You just can’t.  Youk is loveable.  The ladies in Boston love his sick goatee.  But   Buck and McCarver will harp on this for at least the first three innings, guaranteed.  Perhaps, a running count should be in order.

•    8:14 – A running count will also be kept for “Tacoby” references

•    8:16 – What the hell is this lineup introduction music?  Elevator Techno?

•    8:17 – We have the towels!

•    8:19 – We can’t beat you in your park, but we can sure have a bigger flag!  You thought putting one over the Green Monster was sweet?  We are taking up the whole freakin outfield!  Eat that Boston!

•    8:22 – FLOWMAX!  ROCK N ROLL!  YEAH!  BARBECUE!  FOOTBALL!  YEAH!

•    8:24 – Cue the Presidential Inaugural music!

•    8:25 – Why does he always say “That’s Tim McCarver?”

•    8:25 – It looks like they shared Just for Men for tonight.  They are both sporting a distinct shade of Auburn.

•    8:27 – What does “The New England Edition” for the Ford F150 signify?  Does it give “wicked good” directions to the L.L. Bean outlet in Ware?  Does the sound-system play “Tessie” on a continuous loop?

•    8:34 – Wow!  It looks like Timmy actually took the trouble to come up with real keys to the game.

•    8:35 – How does a team with Josh Fogg making a must win start make it to the World Series?  The guy has bags under his eyes and a soul patch.  Come on!

•    8:37 – “It is crisp” – That would have been a perfect transition to how Ellsbury took the place of Coco Crisp.  Get on your game, Buck!

•    8:40 – Wow, the Rockies won 2/3 at Coors Field in 2004.  There were 8 guys on the current Red Sox on that team.  That’s relevant.

•    8:42 – First Ortiz/Youkilis convo.

•    8:46 – Who is Josh Fogg?  He’s the guy who was thoroughly unimpressive in the must-win one game playoff to get into the Postseason.  That’s who!

•    8:49 – Clint Hurdle’s veins bulge so much when he chews gum that his hit moves up and down.

•    9:06 – If Varitek were in the army, he would be the Sargeant-Major.  As opposed to say “the Captain?”

•    9:09 – Matsuzaka batted in high-school.  That’s relevant.

•    9:15 – Why does that guy want a ball to hit his little girl in the face?

•    9:26 – Convo number two about Ortiz-Youkilis.  Buck makes an unfunny joke.  Tim McCarver goes on to explain joke/giggle.

•    9:29 – Just so I can get this in before Fogg gets removed.  He is a dead ringer for Michael Madsen (The guy who plays Budd in Kill Bill).  Yes, I did have to look that up on IMDB.

•    9:34 – Matsuzaka helps out his own cause!

•    9:41 – Did they not turn the mic off in the Red Sox dugout?  Why is there a constant drumming in the background?

•    9:46 – Cue the stereotypical Japanese music for the Japanese newspaper segment.

•    9:49 – Dude, I’m going to wear a Penguin Suit and Aviators to the game tonight!  Awesome!  You should totally do that!  Also, stand in your section and wave your arms.  People behind you will love it!

•    9:57 – The constant drumming is still there.  Is this supposed to add to our enjoyment of the game?

•    9:59 –  Great sideline reporting Ken.  You picked up Friday’s Herald.  Thanks for giving us that inside knowledge.  Speaking of the sideline crew, could we not have gotten one female sideline reporter for the World Series?  With Joe Buck, Tim McCarver, Chris Myers, and Ken Rosenthal this broadcast is a major sausage fest.  Jeanne Zelasko is not exactly helping.

•    10:07 – Why does nobody believe that Ortiz can play 1st Base?  He does a decent job every time he plays there.  Why does no one realize this?

•    10:14 – Where the hell did Youkilis get those elbow length mittens?

•    10:21 – Drew is a “fastball hitting machine.”  Isn’t everyone?  Is there someone who only hits curveballs?

•    10:22 – Varitek already has a military moniker.  THE CAPTAIN.  He has a big freaking C on his jersey you freaking morons!

•    10:25 – Why do they always mention Bob Apadaca?  I think they just like saying “Apadaca.”

•    10:27 – What did Craig Biggio do to get the Roberto Clemente award?  Be scrappy, likeable, and white?  Ok so he is loyal and likeable, thanks Ken.  That seals the case for me.  When has doubles ever been a relative stat for hall of fame contention?  3,000 hits obviously makes him a HOFer as well, because limping through the last two seasons of his career where he was arguably the worst 2B in the NL was really helping his team.

•    10:37 – No Free Taco references?  Did Taco Bell not pay the necessary fee for being mentioned in this game.

•    10:38 – The Rockies PR people decided that they should wear sleeveless black alternate jerseys for a 40 degree World Series game.  Exhibit A why they don’t deserve to win.

•    10:43 – The “Tu-low” chants have gotten louder over the course of the game.  Are they prompting them from screens on the TV?  Has the half of the “rabid fanbase” who didn’t know who he was finally caught on?

•    10:49 – Were the Rockies fans just chanting 1918?  More evidence that no one in Colorado has paid attention to baseball in like ten years.  Oh wait no it’s “Goooo….Rockies….,”  I am sure that was spontaneous.

•    10:58 – I’m really surprised Buck didn’t just leave McCarver out to dry on that “Gnome” comment.

•    11:10 – Who is behind this demented myth that Lopez is an effective left-handed specialist.

•    11:20 – Heart Attack averted.

•    11:35 – Good job ripping off the Jeep commercials Chevy.  And, please, keep playing that John Mellencamp.  It’s really making me want to buy your car.

•    11:43 – FUCK

•    11:52 – About F-ing time!

•    11:54 – Everybody Clap your hands! Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap…Not like the fans should have realized it was a big situation or anything.

•    11:57 – He throws two off-speed pitches, Tim.  That’s not exactly an array.

•    12:08 – Fuentes lacks one of those high-powered heaters.  Tim sounds pleased with himself for pulling a Buck.

•    12:12 – Ahhh…The momentum swing.  The crowd goes silent (except for the 1/3 that are Red Sox fans).

•    12:24 – Matt Holliday Head Sighting!

•    12:35 – Do we need to get a statistical rundown for Matt Holliday every time that he comes to the plate?  He’s good.  We get the point.  It is starting to sound like Chuck Norris Facts every time he comes to bat.  Pitchers don’t intentionally walk Matt Holliday – They intentionally run.  Barry Bonds didn’t take steroids – He stole a vile of Matt Holliday’s semen.

•    12:55 – Yeah!