Last August 31st was a day of frantic activity. Chelsea and Arsenal burned the midnight oil to compile a mega partial-transfer deal for want-away stars Ashley Cole and William Gallas, which would largely prove inconsequential for both clubs. West Ham shockingly, as well as suspiciously, signed two highly rated young Argentineans, in a deal, which would bizarrely drop them into the relegation battle but pull them out again. Regardless of whether the deals ended up being significant, there were big names, there was buzz, there was chatter, and for a few clubs a genuine amount of excitement and optimism for the season to come.
This season, not so much. There were some sexy names bandied about, Dani Alves and Ronaldinho. There were also the distinctly less sexy ones, Peter Crouch. However, like the fifty-five year old man picking up chicks in a Ferrari, it was a whole lot of bluster without the performance to back it up. Here are some of the earth-shattering signings that did go through on the last day of the transfer window.
Arsenal got just what the squad had been lacking going into the season, a young undersized central midfielder of French-African descent. Lassana Diarra, once hailed as the “New Makelele” by the Chelsea brass after impressive performances for Le Havre and the France U-21s, had largely failed to penetrate the log-jam in the Chelsea Central Midfield. As is the Arsenal way, Diarra will be arriving for an undisclosed fee and an indeterminate length of time.
Big Sam bolstered his squad by bringing in two players. The first, Abdoulaye Faye will traverse the North of England from Allardyce’s old club Bolton. The second, Habib Beye will arrive from Champions League qualifier Marseille. He had been captain and firm fan favorite at l’OM but had recently been maligned after the club’s terribly poor start to the season in Ligue Un.
Alan Curbishley continued his quest to bring in every mediocre player in the Premier League, in the hope that it will make West Ham passably mediocre, by bringing in Newcastle midfielder Nobby “Nolberto” Solano. The knee-knack over-under should be set at 1.5 matches.
He also curbed the enthusiasm of his supporters by bringing in Henri “the rat” Camara on a season-long loan from Wigan, because, after their blistering start, Wigan now have enough depth and quality to their first-team squad that they can afford to send reasonably talented players out on loan.
Birmingham brought in Spain international defensive midfielder Borja Oubina from relegated Spanish side Celta Vigo on loan. Oubina had been a rumored Arsenal target, given their player development deal with the club. Though, as manager of the Arsenal U-21 squad, Steve Bruce has a fairly cozy relationship as well, which could mean that Oubina is being blooded before a potential move to the Emirates.
And finally, in the who cares but we should probably mention it anyway category. Sven sent excess garbage Paul Dickov and Bernado Corradi out on loan deals to Crystal Palace and Parma respectively. Pompey and Fulham exchanged junk with Papa Bouba Diop and Dejan Stefanovic crossing paths on the A3. Glen Johnson will once again be terrorizing Hampshire hardware stores as he moves to Pompey on a permanent deal. And one of Zidane’s many dopplegangers, 19 year-old Damien Plessi, has signed for Rafa the Gaffer.
